Getting My Groove Back

God is good, all of the time.

happiness in CA

I believe this, and it is an outlook that helps me every day. Whenever I am feeling my lowest, something happens that lets me know that God is watching and is faithful. I just have to pay attention. And although the last year was challenging, I have seen this faithfulness more than ever. But that isn't to say it wasn't hard at times, or that I didn't feel lost along the way.

What I have realized over the last month or so (among many, many other things) is that I lost my groove in 2011. I remember the beginning of the year as being so happy and full of promise, and by the end of the year, I was just worn out. I don't think that there is any other way to say it. When I think about this time last year, I think about attending a conference and presenting a solo authored paper in Florida, training for upcoming races, and going to Las Vegas in March. For some reason, I have pinpointed that months time and that trip as the height of my happiness for the year. Probably b/c it was fun and carefree. I was doing well personally and professionally. And somewhere within a week of Las Vegas, I got preganant.

everyday, silly, happiness

Once I got pregnant, my focus shifted and I didn't submit to my usual November conference b/c I was supposed to deliver in November. No big deal. I applied for and got the Summer Faculty Fellowship, which paid me to write a paper this summer. I was still happy personally and professionally. Although I knew we needed to budget better, we still seemed to be doing okay moneywise.

Enter May. I lost the baby. That was hard, and I don't think I, or my year, ever recovered. I got a rejection from a journal, struggled with my summer paper (about which the pressure was huge, b/c I was being paid just to write this paper), and found out we didn't really have any money. By August, my paper still wasn't done, our house was up for sale, and we were pretty much out of money.

sisterly happiness

By November, our house was sold, we had bought another, we were packing, I barely eeked out my summer paper, and things were busy and out of control. It hurt me to pack up the kids mid-year and pull them out of school.

married happiness

By December, we were in our house, and I was trying to wrap up the semester and move in at the same time. I was also desperate to get a paper out to a journal for publication, since my acceptance rate in 2011 was less than stellar.

By Chistmas, I was tired.

By January, I realized that I didn't totally feel like myself. I wasn't depressed or unable to appreciate the joys of everyday life. Although I have outlined a pretty bleak year here, I wouldn't call it "bad." I ran my first half marathon, we sold our house right away in a bad market, and we took a great vacation to CA during which we missed a hurricane in NJ. Almost every day brought me joy in some way. But I felt like something was missing, and I wasn't quite on my game.

So I have made a conscious decision to refresh. And I have gotten a lot of help along the way. First, I have been able to take a few lessons from everything that happened, and the number one lesson is that:

Pennsylvania happiness

1. Our family is great! And I mean our whole family. Our "nuclear unit:" me, Tim, Mac, and Oli, is wonderful. I love our kids, I love Tim, and I am confident that we can find happiness and comfort wherever we are. Our "extended family" is also beyond wonderful and generous: from monetary help, to emotional support, to places to live, to not judging, and to tasty and free dinners, our family has been there every step of the way. In their acts of kindness and generosity, I have seen time and time again the type of person that I want to be to others.


I have also, once again, recommitted to being more organized and work focused, and getting stuff done! To that end, I have recommitted to writing and work time, and am trying to be more organized about everything. Living closer to campus helps a lot. What also helps is a recent raise, and a "revise and resubmit," which is a conditional acceptance of a journal article. I am working to claim this year for success early on!

So God is good. Within days of my "lost my groove epiphany," I found the help I needed in blessings big and small. While I know that the work is my own to do, I know that I am never alone in doing it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Our day yesterday continued as well as it started.we made it into the museum, and a wheelchair and tickets were waiting for us. Oli did a great job wheeling and walking throughout the
Museum. We ran into his old PT, Ms. Ruth and her family. It was Ruth who got us into this tradition in the first place, so it was great to see her there. When we left, we were caught on the queue to see the balloons again. It was crowded, but cool to see all of the balloons ( including spidey) inflated now. We finished up with Starbucks and headed home.

Today I was up and met Beth and her friend Alena for a Turkey Trot in Princeton. Now I home watching the
parade with the kids. It is so cool to see the balloons from yesterday now in the parade.

I am thankful for our family traditions and the family that goes with them!

At the museum

We may have finally done it right! this is our third year coming into NYC to see the parade floats be inflated. The plan is always to get in, go to the American Museum of Natural History, and then hop outside to see the balloons. The first year, we missed the museum, looked for parking for an hour, then saw the floats. The next year, we took the train, struggled through the subways (we thought oli was big to carry then!), made it to the museum and then the floats. This year I called ahead of time and secured a wheelchair and tickets. We drove in, hit no traffic, parked in a garage (moderate
rip off) and saw the balloons half inflated. Viewing doesn't start until 3, but since the balloons are big and right out on the street, we could see them as we walked up.

Our day has sort of stalled, as we are now stopped for lunch at UNO. After this, we are back across the steer and into the museum. Here is what we have seen so far.

Things I'll Miss

We are fortunate enough to be in the final stretch of moving. Everything is settled but our mortgage. That is a big hurdle, and we are holding our breath until that is through. But on the buyers end, everything seems settled, so ready or not, we are moving anywhere between 11/23 and 12/6.

We are really excited about the move, and luckily, so are the kids. But as I go through the days completing tasks and going places, I find myself wondering if this will be the last time I go there/do that. I know this is a normal part of moving, but it reminds me how bittersweet a move really is.

1. I will definitely miss easy access to my family. This goes without saying, and isn't one of the mini-epiphanies I am talking about. I've realized this all along. But on a "things I'll miss" list, this has to go on top. Dinner at mom's, runs with Beth, and being not too far  grandma for a weekend visit, are all things that won't be as easy once we move. Also, when I get locked out at our new home, I will be completely screwed b/c there will be nobody to borrow keys from. Did I mention the babysitting?

2. My gym. It sounds dumb, especially coming from me, but I really like my gym. I like the classes, the feel, and the vibe. I went a lot over the summer, and kind of tapered off as I concentrated on running leading up to the half marathon. But lately (especially with the cold weather) I have been back to the gym, and I really enjoy it.

3. Our pediatrician. I am taking Mac and Oli for flu shots today and I realize this might be our last visit there. I went there when I was little. They have been so great with both kids, and especially helpful about fitting us in whenever we needed something. In Oli's baby days, when we didn't have any answers about his hydrocephalus, legs, or anything else, they were always kind and patient. And when Mac hid under the exam table, screaming, and had to be restrained by no less than me and 2 nurses to get a shot, they were so kind and patient. Service like that can't be replaced.

4. Our library. I looooove our library. I took Mac weekly when she was a baby. Both kids have spent lots of time there. Although we go less now that the kids are in school, all of the librarians know us, and I don't think that there is ever a time when at least one of us doesn't have something out on loan. It is a beautiful place with lots of choices, and we can borrow from any other library in Middlesex county. I haven't bought a book for myself  in years because the selection is so good!

5. My Starbucks. Because working at home isn't always conducive to getting work done, I have a trio of Starbucks that I rotate among when I need to get out of the house to be productive. They are my happy places, and have seen me though coursework, dissertation, lesson plans, and other papers. Just as research shows that you can improve test performance by studying in the location that you will take the test, I think that I am productive in Starbucks where I have been productive in the past. Like my productivity is imprinted.

I'm sure that there is so much more that I will think of as I visit over the next few weeks. This isn't meant to be a downer, b/c a) I realize I'm fortunate to have had all of these places, and b) I do realize we are only moving an hour away, and that things aren't that different there. This is more of a fond remembrance, looking forward to the future. And I realize that no matter where we go, Tim, the kids, and I will make great memories and a great home. And no matter where we go, the love and support of our truly wonderful parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents will be with us.

Moving Forward

Our family is doing a lot of moving, literally.

The two big moving events in our life are: the Hershey Half Marathon, and moving to Pennsylvania.

Before

After

First things first. This weekend, Beth and I completed our first half-marathon. It was about 3 months in the training, and it was awesome well worth it. We ran through Hershey Park and around the town of Hershey. The weather was great and the scenery was beautiful. In true form, Beth and I talked through pretty much the whole thing. The first 10 miles were great. The last three were torture. I think that is partly b/c the two of the last three looped around the parking lots, so that we actually had to pass the stadium where we would finish, and then run indefinitely to the end. I know it wasn't indefinite, b/c there was a set number of miles, but b/c we were just looping around the parking lot, it seemed extra long. However, the race ended in Hershey Stadium, where family and friends of all the runners (5,000 of us) were cheering us all on. It was so great and emotional that once we hit the stadium, we sprinted the last 1/4 mile or so and wound up finishing with a respectable time of 2:07 (I'm sure there are seconds to add somewhere, but I don't know exactly what they are).
The whole family came up the night before (Mom, Dale, Beth, Krys, Amanda, Me, Tim and the kids). We stopped at PSU for homecoming, and then headed up to Hershey to pick up our race packets and go to chocolate world. Then a delicious pre-race dinner where I indulged in way more carbs than usual. After the race, we walked around Hershey for the day. I had a horrible headache -- not sure if it was race related or not -- but that much time with our family is the perfect cure for all that ails you. We had a great time!
The other type of move on our plate is moving to PA. The high cost of living in NJ has gotten to us, and we are packing up to move closer to my campus in Abington. It is a suburb of Philly (about 1/2 hour or so outside of the city, depending on traffic). We were lucky enough to get a bid on our house after a few weeks, and even though we have some worries about it, we are moving through attorney review. Assuming all goes well, we will be moving in early December. So we have been on a mad hunt to find a house in PA. After spending all of our free time (really -- all of it -- and some that wasn't free) looking for houses, we have pretty much narrowed it down to the town of Springfield. We are going for a second look at our favorite house today, and then checking out a few new while we are there. We are hoping to choose a house to bid on today.
Moving is definitely bittersweet. We will miss our being so close to our families, and I hate taking the kids out of school. But everything is so much cheaper in PA, and best of all, Oli immediately qualifies for Medicaid. That will be a huge help with medical bills! Plus, being close to campus will be a nice change for me. Altogether, it makes a lot of sense, but I still get sad when I think of leaving our house and close proximity to all we love. But move forward we shall, as long as all things mortgage related work out.
Finally, has been moving like a maniac! Something has changed, whether it was his age/maturity level, or mine and Tim's redoubled effort, but Oli walks almost everywhere now. Inside the house, outside the house, all over the place. It is awesome! We still went ahead with the plan to order his wheelchair. He got fitted last week. It is a sporty wheelchair that is very easy to manage. There was no learning curve -- he was wheeling around the hallway at CHOP IMMEDIATELY! We couldn't believe it. He got to choose his color, and he chose glow, which is supposed to glow in the dark. We are going to treat it like the stroller, so he will still walk everywhere except for long distances like Hershey Park or extra long mall trips. But it will be so much better to have the wheelchair for these trips, b/c even if he isn't walking, he will still be able to get around on his own.
So this is definitely a time of forward motion. Hopefully, we will keep on moving!