Little Brag

There are many times each day that I am proud of my kids.

Today: Oli was able to read all of his word ring words!

As I've mentioned, we are in Oli's second go-round of Kindergarten. We aren't sure if he has learning disabilities, or was just a young 5, with a birthday so close to the cut-off for school, and needed an extra year to get started. So far, this year, he seems to be doing well and keeping up. By the end of last year, he could only recognize a few of the words on his word ring, which is paper cut-outs of words that he is supposed to memorize. After reading his homework book, we pulled out his word ring from last year, and Oli went through every word! There were a few that he was way off on, but when I called him out on it, he go the right word immediately. I'm assuming that he was joking with me when he missed them, but with Oli, you never know. Either way, I am so happy that he is making progress. I am looking forward to parent/teacher conferences in two weeks to see if he is doing as well as I think he is.

My little tenderoni -- cute and smart. This guy has it all!

Where I'm At

The fall has flown by, and no wonder. It has included a whirlwind trip to Disney world...





The celebration of perfect Miles' first birthday...

Halloween...

Scary Vampire hopped up on sugar

Smooth Criminal

Don't even ask.

Dark Spidey

And surgery.

My long awaited surgery to repair my hernia and diastasis. The bane of my existence for some time now. It was an elective surgery that requires 6-8 weeks of recovery, which includes no lifting of kids. It has required me to wean Miles, and not to even be able to hold him for over a week now. It has required my family to come and care for me, and for Tim to do the bulk of all of the work in the house.

Was it worth it?

At times I have felt a bit like it wasn't. I have felt vain, and frivolous.  How dare I do spend this money and time and attention for something that wasn't medically necessary? When Miles is getting older every day, and my chance to nurse him is now gone. When there are people who don't have money for food, let alone elective surgery. When everyone I know has better things to do than take care of me.

But I also think it was. When I am feeling like it was vain, I remind myself that what really bothered me was that I felt like my body was broken. Not broken in a dramatic, emotional metaphor, but literally, it wasn't working right. And that bothered me. A lot. It bothered me that my core wasn't strong, and that parts of my insides stuck out when I was in certain positions, and that I couldn't exercise and use my body the way I wanted to, and it really bothered me that I couldn't fix it. I am a firm believer that positive thinking, exercise, and the right diet can fix almost anything. But not this. And it drove me crazy.

And, of course, I hated the aesthetics. Even my mom, who felt that I had no pre-surgery aesthetic issues saw my before/after pictures next to each other and said "wow." (God bless her. This is the same woman who never, once, mentioned that I should wax my eyebrows when I was younger, and the same woman who argued to my gym teacher in third grade that I deserved better than a C). Of course, the aesthetics played a huge role in my decision. But when I worry that some of the surgery pain might not go away, that the stitch I have in my side sometimes might be permanent and keep me from running, I feel the same panic and frustration that I felt before the surgery. So I know it wasn't all about looks.

I really hope the before and after is obvious, but if not: before=left, after=right

I also see this surgery as the closing of my child-bearing years, and it kind of breaks my heart. Yes, I realize that everyone but me sees the writing on the wall, that I have my "hands full" and that 3 is the perfect number of kids for me. And no, Tim and I weren't remotely planning or contemplating more kids. But, this surgery may as well have been a hysterectomy. There is no way I could even take the chance of getting pregnant now. And even though I was already there intellectually, this surgery made me catch up emotionally. So, as the last of my milk dries up, I am letting go of that part of my life, and it kind of hurts. (And, for the record, I am of the "there's always room for one more" mentality, so probably, this surgery was a good thing for everyone's sanity.)

Moving forward, I am going to embrace health and work hard to get my body and fitness level where I want it to be. I am going to focus on being a good mom to growing kids. I am going to be grateful for the second chance this surgery has given my body, because whether it was worth it or not will all depend on how I move forward.

Addendum

I must have known what was coming last night. I got to bed, Miles woke up so I started feeding him, and a few minutes in, I had to detach and got sick. YUCK! I'm guessing it was the combo of what I ate for the last few days. I knew my post was a bit introspective about, well, dinner, but I guess I was feeling so sick that I couldn't think of anything else and had to get it out (figuratively and literally...)

And, if you've never had to detach a baby from your boob, go throw up while he howled in indignation over the interruption, and then promptly reattach, you just haven't lived :)

Eating and Sleeping

Lately, I've been trying to go to bed by 10:30 at the latest, so that I can get up @ 6:30 to get some work done. Not tonight. We had community group pot luck at our house, and I ate so much that my stomach feels too full to go to sleep. And tonight just built on top of my overindulgence from last night, which included too much Jules Thin Crust (as if there is such as thing!). Which built on the pizza and pretzels from Saturday. You get my drift...

Overall, I had been eating well. What have I been eating? Maybe it should be more about what I haven't been eating. I've cut out almost all wheat and other bread-y products, and most dairy, too. I've really been limiting refined sugar, other than a handful (or two, or three) of chocolate chips. But mostly I've been sticking to whole foods, lots of veggies, fruits, eggs, and nuts. While I can't say I lost any inches, I had lost a few pounds. Not that I'm necessarily looking for that, but I felt very satisfied that I was fueling up right.

And then last weekend we went out with friends to the Pop Shop, and had homemade pumpkin bread for dessert.

And on Friday I bought and ate pretzels (an old vice, made only better with a chocolate chip placed on each so that they taste like chocolate covered pretzels).

And then pizza.

And then Jules.

And then the delicious chili/cornbread/brownie/pumpkin pie goodness that was dinner tonight.

The plus side is that a lot of this eating has been social. We have been getting out with friends, and even better, having friends over. Enjoying and sharing food and drink. It is a fundamental goodness that gives me a warm feeling. Usually. I think I might have had too much of a good thing tonight.

But it does have me thinking about the role of food in my life, what it is, and what it should be. I think I have a pretty good handle on it. I try to eat really clean and healthy, but am willing to let loose in the name of socializing, or if it is something I really want. I enjoy cooking dinners from scratch, and seeing how clean I can get our family meals. I know that I can be a bit of a downer with food facts and calorie counts, but with so much illness and obesity in society today, I think that it is a really important stand to take.

I also noticed that I have let go of my eating a bit since I decided to have surgery to repair my hernia and diastasis. Part of that is because the doctor verified that my protruding belly is not diet related (at least it wasn't until tonight :\ But I think that part of it is an element of control. I was trying to control the whole situation through my eating. Part of it, also, is the timing of all of our socializing. But normally, I'd get back on track a bit quicker.

So what is my point? I'm not sure, but since I can't sleep, I figured I would try to sort out my thoughts on food lately. Related to this, but for another stream of thought, is that I can't seem to keep us on grocery budget. How can we eat healthily for less?

I spend way too much time scouring the web for answers to these questions, and here are some of the resources that I often return to for wisdom and recipes:

A Health Slice of Life
NeverHomeMaker
PaleoOmg
AverieCooks

And since breakfast is now only a few hours away, I better get some sleep! I already have breakfast planned - it's my favorite meal of the day.

Welcome October!

We're barely into the month, but it has been a long anticipated month in our household. We have so much going on. Here's why!

Halloween: Mac and Oli are obsessed with Halloween. Back in August, maybe even July, they started pouring over costume shop websites. Every Oriental Trading Company, PBK, or other random catalog gets snatched up leafed through over and over for decoration ideas. If it were up to Mac, we would be getting a fog machine (she dreams big), door hangings, and noise-activated decorations for outside.  I even ordered their costumes in late August, b/c they promised they wouldn't change their minds. Since I've been trying to organize and do things earlier lately, I figured why not this, too? I'm glad I did -- we have such a busy month, and it is nice to have this taken care of. Plus, Miles' costume was back-ordered, and I'm not sure we would have gotten it ontime.

last Halloween

last Halloween

Disney: Yes! We are going to Disney in just a few short weeks. I can't wait. I think I'm more excited than the kids right now. It is a  whole family trip, including aunts, cousins, and grandparents. We haven't been in a couple of years, and I am dying to go. To save money and the hassle of hauling all of our equipment on a plane, we are driving. Mac is way less than enthused, and I am...wary. I'm not sure it is refreshingly old school, or just plain stupid. Plus, b/c of a mix up at CHOP, Oli is out of casts for now. Bad for his feet, but good for swimming! We also have a lot of birthdays to celebrate this month, and I can't think of any better place to do it!

Miles turns 1: Yes! I I can't believe it, but my baby will be one soon. It is so bittersweet. He is so absolutely awesome, and I am looking forward to ever new stage, but at the same time, so sad to see him leave the baby stage. He can crawl, stand, and cruise. He can walk if he is pushing something (like his highchair) across the room. He eats everything, and even out-eats Oliver. He is funny, and I think he is really smart. While we won't be in Disney on his actual birthday, I plan on getting plenty of mileage out of it while we are there.

Last October

Now

Throw in some dinners with friends and karate belt promotions, and we can barely catch our breath! I love nothing more than a reason to celebrate, and October offers us plenty! I just hope it doesn't fly by, and that we get to celebrate everything to the max!