So will Mac hate me forever?
I know -- experienced parents would roll their eyes and say "Duh -- that's what kids do. And they'll make you feel bad about it forever, too." But really, it kills me. Today when we dropped her off at school she really didn't want to go. She cried and called out to me but I had to leave her there anyway. Will she remember this? Will she hold it against me? Tim and I stood in the hallway at school for over five minutes listening to her cry today. When we finally left, she was still crying. I know that every kid does this, but school was my idea, so I feel personally responsible for any misery associated with it. And it feels a lot different when it is your own kid crying.
This was such bad timing, since last night she and I had a very difficult night. I know she is adjusting to the new baby -- actually, we're both adjusting to the new baby. She's testing boundaries and I'm putting them up. No wonder she always wants to spend time with her grandparents -- they are more fun and a lot nicer. I feel like such a mean mommy. I know things could be a lot worse -- most of the time she just wants to hug and kiss the baby a bit too aggressively for my taste. But then I have to tell her to be gentle, she gets mad, and then the real fun begins. Last night it took over an hour to get her to bed. Not so bad in retrospect -- I've spent a lot longer getting her to bed in the past -- but this was maybe the most difficult time ever. She just refused to get into bed, and it took an hour of threatening, cajoling, and tricking to get her to sleep. The outrageous stories/reasons/lies you come up with to influence a toddler are really laughable in the light of day. But today I don't feel like laughing.
I hope by now Mac is out on the playground at school playing happily and not even thinking about me. She really enjoyed school last week -- I hope she'll remember that once she settles in. I think having 5 days off in between last Friday and today made it more difficult for her to go back. I know she'll get the hang of it and like it eventually, probably even by the time I pick her up today. And then we can start round two.
Edited to add that Mac did, in fact, stop crying soon after we left and had a fun day at school.
