Summer stress, mosaic tiles, and time

It's no surprise that I struggle with time and work/life balance. I "suffer" from loving both my family and my job, and always wanting to be two places at once. I fear that I'm not giving either my full attention. For the second summer in a row, I realize that I have been hyper-anxious. Like, the kind of anxious where even when I'm not stressed out, I have anxious stomach. Last summer, the source of anxiety was clearer. I saw it as my last push toward tenure, and had two papers that I needed to get under review. I remember being at Duck, completely stressed out.

Fast forward to this year, and while I have a few more publications under my belt, I'm still anxious. Turns out, I can publish until February and still have it count, so I'm still in furious writing mode. But I'm getting a lot stuff done, so it should be okay, right? 

Wrong.

While I'm definitely having trouble sticking to a schedule and getting stuff done, I'm in much better shape than last year. Why anxious belly? We're doing a lot of fun stuff as a family, more than in the last few years, so why am I so stressed?

I think summer stresses me out!

It is my favorite season -- long days, warmth, no ice or snow removal. But there are so many competing expectations, I don't know how to handle them! Summer cries fun. That's a lot of pressure! And I looove fun outings, and haaate to be left out. So, if the family is having fun, I want to be involved. So I push my work aside "just this one time" and join the fun, and before I know it, I didn't get my work done. Or I do get it done, but I feel like I should be doing more.

I think I also like routine.

I've always know that I like structure, but now I know why. I need the forced working time of the school day, both mine and the kids. It takes the pressure off of having to choose between work and kids.

Plus, I love school.

This article is a great reminder that we have more time than we think. Thinking of time as movable mosaic tiles, and conceptualizing productivity in weeks rather than days, is a really helpful way to find pockets of time.
(I try to accomplish this by getting up early, but that is hard to do when Miles is snuggled up next to me.) When I think about things this way, I'm actually doing okay.

No resolutions here, just some realizations. 

Proof that a) I know how to have fun, and b) that we have done so this summer:

Yes, this is work. And yes, I think it's fun.

Focus on Miles

This guy gets a lot of attention. He is the baby of the family, and he wears it well. But recently I realized that while he gets a lot of attention, much of what we do isn't for him. Rather, he is along for the ride. I think that is classic third (or second or fourth) child syndrome -- living in the car on the way to activities for the older kids. And because he is so little, I fell into the trap of thinking that it wasn't that big of a deal and that there wasn't much for him to do, anyway.

But lately, I've been trying to do more just for him. It started when I realized he was behind with speech. We joined a music class, and he seemed to like it while it lasted.  But what he really loves is playing with other kids. Like, cries when we drive past church instead of turning in b/c he loves  playing with the other kids there so much. Luckily, we have been able to have playdates with his cousin Harry, and he has really flourished. He is talking more, and sort of learning to share. Seeing him light up when he sees Harry is the sweetest thing. We have also had a few playdates with church friends, which has been great.

One of the biggies was the playground. Because of mine and Tim's work schedules, I am often home alone with the kids. So either everyone goes to the playground, or nobody does. So nobody does. But lately, I've been finding pockets of time, when the kids are at taekwondo or basketball, when he can play. Seeing how much he loves it makes me feel guilty that I haven't taken him more.

This bub is the most amazing little guy. I love him so much! With the needs and demands of the older two, it is so easy to assume that he is fine with tagging along. While his *adventurous spirit* guarantees he won't [can't] be ignored, I want to make sure that we continue to create opportunities just for him.

 

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#makingwinternotsuck

It's all about the attitude, right?

I'm trying. I really am. But I hate the winter. And the snow that is expected over the next 48 hours is a perfect example of why.

(image from David Curren FB feed)

Every time it ices/gets windy/snows heavily, we lose power. The first time, Miles ended up in the hospital because his temperature dropped too low. The next time, we ended up with the norovirus (although that was only 50% bad, b/c we also had fun times staying with Beth, who graciously hosted us while we were without power). So my apprehension is high, as I anticipate losing power for a couple of days. I'm trying to soak up the last few hours of power  by procrastinating on the Internet getting work done.

That said, I have been doing better than usual in not getting into a winter funk. Making sure that I have hat/gloves/scarves before I leave the house has helped a lot. Homemade lattes in the afternoon have also been a bonus. Not having to check the weather in West Chester to see if Tim will have to go to work even if it is storming here has been huge. To that end, having Tim home for more movie days and nights, and topping them off with a beer, has been a nice change. We have been introducing the kids to classics, like Back to the Future. Also, the fact that it is already light after 5 o'clock has probably helped most of all.

But truly, this snow is going to test my resolve. Two things that will help: 1) Tim doesn't have to go to work if he can't/doesn't want to. 2) If we lose power, there is a good chance the karate school will have power since it is in a strip mall. At least we have a secondary place to hang out, as long as we can get there.

Meanwhile, the kids are embracing the snow. Oli was DEVASTATED when he woke up to see that there was school today. I should have taken a picture, but it would have been cruel.

Here's hoping it doesn't suck!

Happy New Year

A photo posted by JULIA RYAN (@juliaryancreates) on Dec 12, 2014 at 3:42pm PST

I'm not usually one for New Year resolutions, however, this quote spoke to me and got me really motivated to face this new year with optimism, hope, and determination. Often, I find myself getting caught up in, and brought down by, little fails. I didn't get as much done as I thought I should -- fail! I forgot something at the foodstore -- fail! I lost my temper -- fail! And while, yes, many little fails over time can add up to big fails (i.e. I never get as much work done as I should), I am really going to try to remember that every day is a new one, and that I have a chance to move forward and make things right every.single.day. And if I can do some semblance of that, over the next 12 months, 365 (okay, 360 -- I'm already getting a late start) days,  it will be okay.

I know, I know, check with me in February.

As the sweet spot ends, and the kids go back to school today, I'd also like to take the time to look back and share some of the great times that marked the last few weeks of 2014.