With Honors

Does anyone remember that movie? It came out in 1994 and had Brendan Fraser and Moira Kelly (also of Cutting Edge fame). Brendan Fraser played a Harvard student who lost his dissertation when his computer crashed. He only had one copy, which he dropped down a grate in his haste to make a photocopy. Even though the movie wasn't that great, the thought of losing a dissertation has always stuck with me. Now I know how he feels. Okay, I'm not as bad off as he was -- I e-mailed myself a copy on Sunday. But everything I did between Sunday and today -- gone. I'm currently searching my hard drive for temporary files, but so far, no luck. This sucks sucks sucks. I'm not sure if the problem is my computer or my USB drive, but now I'm afraid to even try and work on my computer. And of course I owe my advisor a draft by the end of the weekend. One good thing about my procrastination this week...I didn't get as much done as I normally would have. Less done, less lost.

Home Again!

That's right -- we're home! Oliver was discharged earlier today. The doctor's assistant said that none of the episodes that I noted were seizures. I still think that they look abnormal -- more than average "baby stuff" -- but I'm guessing if it was anything alarming, it would have shown up on the EEG. I'm still a little nervous that maybe we didn't capture the right thing, but I think that overall he did everything at the hospital that I've seen him do at home. I just have to hope and pray that this is right -- I have faith God is steering us in the right direction.

So, that's it. I was on my way home from teaching when Tim called me to let me know that they were being discharged. So I got some wine and headed home. We all played outside a little bit, I got to put Mac to bed, and now we're relaxing and watching some Magnum PI. Seriously, this is the life. Poor Oliver has blisters from where the electrodes were on his head, but he seems happy anyway. Really, there is no place like home.

Update

We're still here, hanging out in the hospital. We made it through the first night. A little bedtime, Oliver did some of his twitching. I was actually relieved, since that means it will be on tape. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but every time I see him have an "episode" I'm supposed to press a button that marks it on the tape. And then I also write down what I saw so that they know what to look for. As I do this, I check the time on the EEG machine and note it, also. Each time I check the screen to see what the EEG output looks like, as if I can note normal v. abnormal brain patterns. Even though I have no idea what it means, it does create a nice little mini-obsession/distraction for me. And apparently, the doctor can check the feed and/or video right in his office. He is supposed to contact us later to let us know what he has seen so far. Hopefully, we will get good news and an early release. We'll see.



Mac came to visit last night. We had a good visit until it was time to go. She wanted daddy to stay with Oliver and me to go home with her. She cried when she was leaving. I felt so bad. So far, we have been able to marginalize Oliver's illness for her, since most of his doctor appointments have been on a Wednesdays, when she is at school. I usually don't even tell her that is where we are going, in case I am late picking her up. I usually just tell her I am at work. Let her resent that, instead. And even though we have PT, she gets to help out when she is home. But sometimes, like now, we have to tell her what is going on. I just hope that this isn't the beginning of resentment, abandonment issues, or jealousy. I am acutely aware of the fact that Oliver's condition can adversely affect her, and am not entirely sure how to deal with it.

And of course, there are the old-fashioned sibling issues of sharing and kindness to deal with. Here is Mackensie "sharing" her new dolls with Oliver last night. In my rush to get everything together, I forgot to bring many toys for Oliver. So when Mac came with dolls, we tried to get her to share. She did for a while, but she never let him forget whose dolls they really were (in keeping with her belief that everything really belongs to Mackensie).


And I'd like to give special thanks to Da_Bitchez, who continue to support my sporadic internet access during this hospital stay.

So here we are...

at the hospital. We decided to go ahead with the 3-day EEG. The doctor never really gave us a choice, but we had debated whether or not it was worth it. Oliver had a few episodes last weekend, but a basically twitch-free week. A few here and there, but nothing over the top. So yesterday I decided to do a little internet research, which I had purposely stayed away from because I didn't want to freak myself out. But then I also thought that if I was committing to a three day stay in the hospital, I should know what it is for. And the research did scare me, but mostly because it doesn't sound that much different from what he is doing. And that brings us to today. It was supposed to start at one o'clock, but we really just got things underway around 4:30. We have our own private room, which is nice. I'll stay with Oliver and Tim will take care of Mac on the home front. Of course, they will come visit. And he'll spell me so that I can go teach tomorrow. But basically, Oli and I are going to have some quality time for the next few days.

To prepare him for the EEG, they had to use the most foul smelling glue to keep the electrodes on his head. He cried, but not too bad. Towards the end, he "fell asleep." I personally think that he passed out from the fumes, but the tech insisted that all babies fall asleep from fighting and crying. Mmm, I'm not so sure. I was ready to pass out, and he is a lot smaller than I am.

I'm trying to use this time productively to get my dissertation done, but I only have sporadic internet access. The hospital doesn't have wireless, so I'm pirating internet from Da_Bitchez. I can only guess that is the wireless network of one of the local college students.

I also bought a novel to read (another James Patterson -- it was all they really had at the food store this morning) and I brought Enchanted to watch. So Mr. Man and I will snuggle up for the night and relax.

Spring Fever!

It's bad when even the instructor gets spring fever...but I get it every year. I hate the winter and LOVE the spring. I love the summer even more. And we are finally having a few consecutive days of really amazing weather. I don't want to do anything excpet hang around with the windows open, eat at an outside table, or just run mindless errands. It doesn't help that both of the classes I teach are annoying me -- one is really smart and good at following directions, but not so great at participation. The other class has a pretty good cohesive and conversational feel, but they can't follow directions or complete assignments to save their lives (or their grades). I'm supposed to be doing my lesson plans for next week now (doing all of them on Friday is my way to clear up the rest of the week for dissertation work), but I can't stop looking out the window and willing a distraction to come my way. Of course, one of my two favorite distractions is at school right now, and the other is asleep. I know I'll be sorry later if I don't get my work done now.

Spring is also becoming a time for trips to the hospital. It's just about a year ago today that we visited CHOP for the first time for prenatal testing. What a difference a year makes. Now, we are waiting for our insurance to clear a 3-day hospital stay for a video EEG for Oliver. Even though they haven't found anything wrong, the neurologist still wants to rule things out. I don't actually think that it is necessary, but what if it is? Ugh. When I asked if I could send the office video of Oliver doing his jerking, they said not to bother, and to just bring it for the procedure. Pretty frustrating. And I haven't been able to get in touch with the office to a)ask if the EEG is on for Monday, and b) talk to somebody else about sending the video clips. Even though they don't capture everything, I'd like to doctor to at least see them before committing to three days in the hospital.

I think I hear said distraction stirring. Saved from doing more work!

Another Day, Another EEG

On Thursday, Tim took Oliver for his neurology appointment to follow up on the EEG. Although we knew that the results were normal, we still had an appointment to discuss what the twitching could be. I called CHOP and spoke to spina bifida clinic and neurosurgery to let them know what was going on, and to see if it sounded at all spina bifida related. They said that it didn't, but to make sure that the neurologist ruled out infantile spasms. I'm not sure if the neurologist thought they were a possibility, or if he was just unaccustomed to patients coming in with knowledge of possible conditions, but he ordered another EEG for Friday in order to rule them out. Thank God, that one also came back normal. He called me at 8:30 onh Friday night (talk about scary) in order to give me the results, and tell me that he wants to do a video EEG. He had mentioned this to Tim, as well. So I'm going along with this, until I realize that it is a 3 day procedure for which Oliver would have to be in the hospital. Um, what? Three days in the hospital? I'm torn -- while I want to be absolutely sure that there is nothing going on, this seems to be overkill. Are we looking to find something, or just rule something out? Either way, I would rather err on the side of caution. But where do I draw the line?

So the doctor is getting the ball rolling with pre-certification with my insurance company. In the meantime, I'm trying to catch the twitching on video so that I can show him. I caught a few instances that I'll try to e-mail to him. I'm hoping that he can diagnose from the videos.

So, here we go. Hopefully everything will be okay.

And in the middle of everything, Oliver got two teeth!

Another Busy Weekend

So far, the weekend has brought good things. Most importantly, we got good results on Oliver's EEG. Everything looks normal, thank God. We go on Thursday to see the neurologist to discuss the report in more depth and talk about possible reasons for the movements. Luckily, hHe has hardly even done it over the past few days. We're thinking maybe it had something to do with his medication, either the antibiotic (unlikely) or the medicine he uses in the nebulizer (more likely). He stopped both treatments on Wednesday, and we haven't seen him twitching much since.

Mac and I had a big baking day today. Aunt Beth bought us the Deceptively Delicious cookbook, which has recipes for using vegetable purees in a variety of ways. Although Mac is great about eating veggies, the book has a lot of simple and kid-friendly recipes. So we had sweet potato pancakes for breakfast (not from scratch) and made oatmeal raisin cookies (from scratch). Although I've been cooking a LOT more since having kids (even 1 meal a week would constitute more cooking that before I had kids), I haven't totally mastered how to cook well. Sometimes things turn out well, but I'm never that surprised if it doesn't taste that good. So the pancakes were a pleasant surprise, and the cookies were, well, edible. Not bad, but definitely missing something. But Mac and I had a good time baking, and Oliver had a good time watching.

We also had part of Oliver's 6 month PT evaluation today. We had to evaluate how far he has come and set new goals. He was so little when they first came out to evaluate him, so the progress he has made is amazing. The difference between a 2 month old and a 7 month old is quite large. However, there are still some areas that we need to work on. Rolling over, sitting up for a long period of time unaided, and reaching over his head are milestones that we had hoped to reach. We're getting there. And moving forward, we just want MOBILITY! Our PT, Ruth, is great, and is already thinking of ways that we can get there. If his service coordinator approves it, we'll move up to PT 2 times a week. Plus, we just have to fit in more practice. Lately, I've been overwhelmed by the amount of work that Oliver really could use. He's doing really well, but I want to get him to the next level. It's great to be surrounded by people who don't put limitations on what he will be able to do. I just want to make sure that he reaches his full potential.

Add to all of this visits with 2 sets of grandparents, and you have yourself a busy weekend. But we've had fun and lots of family time, which is always nice. We have a busy week coming up. As always, I have teaching and dissertation work to do. Tim's tournament is next Saturday, so we will have a lot of prep for that, and a very busy Saturday. I'm tired just thinking about it.

Candidate for a Nervous Breakdown

Some days are more difficult than others...

Actually, it backs up farther than just today. On Saturday, we noticed that Oliver was kind of jerking, or twitching, a little bit. It's been happening every day since -- some days more than others. Sometimes it is just slight, other times it happens for a few seconds. He looks okay while it is happening (other than the fact that he is twitching), but it is still unnerving. So I mentioned it when he went for his recheck at the pediatrician yesterday. Although they couldn't say what is was one way or the other, they did order an EEG to be on the safe side. We opted to stay local, since CHOP neurology (as opposed to Neurosurgery, which is where is already goes) has a ridiculously long wait time to get in. We were able to get an appointment for the EEG today. Luckily, it fell right in between my 2 classes. The EEG went smoothly. They said if there was anything alarming, they would call today. Otherwise, the neurologist is supposed to call tomorrow with an appointment for next week. Luckily, I got no calls today. But I'm still anxious to see if anything showed up. And if it didn't, what is causing the movement?

So after the EEG, I had to go give my Kean students their exam. As they haven't been performing so well, the exam was a stress point for both them and me.

Got home, picked up Mac, who did not want to leave Nanny's. For someone with such frenetic energy, Mac moves like molasses. Seriously, if you are in a rush (which I always am) you do not want to have to wait for Mac. I finally motivate her out of Nanny's house, get home, and start to cook dinner. I was making smothered Salmon, which basically consists of salmon covered in tomatoes, onions, a small amount of jalapeno pepper, and garlic. While I'm cooking, Oliver starts to cry. I figure he's hungry, but that he can wait until I am done cooking. Dinner is ready -- I set Mac up with her plate and start to feed Oliver. He cries every time I take the spoon out of his mouth to put more food on it. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Mac starts bawling. Not her whiny cry, but a serious cry. She says her mouth hurts. My first thought is fish bone. Even though I understand the Heimlich in theory, I'm not sure how it would play out if I had to try it. I pray that I never have to find out. And I realize that if she was crying, she wasn't choking, but I was still scared. But then she said it was her cheek. So I took a look inside. I couldn't tell for sure, but I thought I saw some raised skin, like when you bite the inside of your cheek. And that makes me think coxsackie, a disgusting sounding virus that some kids at Mac's school had a few weeks ago. She just got off of antibiotics for a sinus infection, but you never know. She just kept crying, so I finally called my mom. Not that she could do anything, since she was on her way to DC, but I had to ask someone something.

When I explained what we were eating, my mom pointed out that it could have been the peppers in the food. Duh. Who feeds a 3 year old a dish with jalapeno pepper in it? Seriously, what a dumb idea. So I'm still not sure what it was. Mac was still complaining (but not crying) when I put her to bed. Not sure that I could rule out anything, I've been checking on her to make sure she is okay while she sleeps. She seems okay. There is no better sound in the world than the sound of your child breathing peacefully.

I'm not complaining, I'm just venting. It's not that I'm stressed out by my kids (this time). It's the opposite; I've found that being a mom makes you so emotionally vulnerable. The idea of anything bad happening to them is absolutely heart-stopping. And I don't mean to make Oliver's EEG all about me -- that is obviously about far more than how it affects my stress level. I just want what is best for him -- for both of them. When we were having the EEG today, the tech had never heard of spina bifida. When we explained it, she said "But he will get feeling in his legs eventually, right?" It was kind of hard to answer no. Sometimes I realize what a tough road he may have. When we went food shopping the other day, he couldn't sit in the cart as well as I thought he should. He kept leaning backwards. Why? Does he need more physical therapy? Occupational therapy? Do I just need to exercise him more? So many questions. And even though we've been blessed so far with good health for Mac, I never want to take her health for granted. So I check on them at night, pray for them, and hope that they turn out okay.

And, of course, ever since I heard that stress makes you retain belly fat, I stress about that a few times a day. Kind of counterproductive, but what else is new?