It's no surprise that I struggle with time and work/life balance. I "suffer" from loving both my family and my job, and always wanting to be two places at once. I fear that I'm not giving either my full attention. For the second summer in a row, I realize that I have been hyper-anxious. Like, the kind of anxious where even when I'm not stressed out, I have anxious stomach. Last summer, the source of anxiety was clearer. I saw it as my last push toward tenure, and had two papers that I needed to get under review. I remember being at Duck, completely stressed out.
Fast forward to this year, and while I have a few more publications under my belt, I'm still anxious. Turns out, I can publish until February and still have it count, so I'm still in furious writing mode. But I'm getting a lot stuff done, so it should be okay, right?
Wrong.
While I'm definitely having trouble sticking to a schedule and getting stuff done, I'm in much better shape than last year. Why anxious belly? We're doing a lot of fun stuff as a family, more than in the last few years, so why am I so stressed?
I think summer stresses me out!
It is my favorite season -- long days, warmth, no ice or snow removal. But there are so many competing expectations, I don't know how to handle them! Summer cries fun. That's a lot of pressure! And I looove fun outings, and haaate to be left out. So, if the family is having fun, I want to be involved. So I push my work aside "just this one time" and join the fun, and before I know it, I didn't get my work done. Or I do get it done, but I feel like I should be doing more.
I think I also like routine.
I've always know that I like structure, but now I know why. I need the forced working time of the school day, both mine and the kids. It takes the pressure off of having to choose between work and kids.
Plus, I love school.
This article is a great reminder that we have more time than we think. Thinking of time as movable mosaic tiles, and conceptualizing productivity in weeks rather than days, is a really helpful way to find pockets of time.
(I try to accomplish this by getting up early, but that is hard to do when Miles is snuggled up next to me.) When I think about things this way, I'm actually doing okay.
(I try to accomplish this by getting up early, but that is hard to do when Miles is snuggled up next to me.) When I think about things this way, I'm actually doing okay.
No resolutions here, just some realizations.
Proof that a) I know how to have fun, and b) that we have done so this summer:
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| Yes, this is work. And yes, I think it's fun. |
