One of the things that has been missing since we have moved is a regular church to go to. I was very involved in my old church, teaching sunday school and attending services every week. The kids were happy there, and received a good education rooted in the Bible. They had friends, and we would often spend all of sunday morning there.
When we moved here, I was on the lookout for a church right away. I looked up Methodist churches, since that is what we were attending in NJ, and I found one in nearby Chestnut Hill. After browsing through their site, I was impressed with their focus on diversity and inclusiveness. After attending a service, I was thrilled to find that they do pull out sunday school for the kids (which means I don't have to try to get the kids to sit through service, which I don't think that they could do), but they also are so committed to diversity that they have a LGBT group. However, in talking to some members of the congregation after service (including a co-worker who coincidentally attends), they told me how great it was that they didn't focus too much on affirmations and other God-related parts of church. I was nonplussed -- what is the point of church if you don't focus on God. So although I have attended 2 services since, I have done so with skepticism. This church has many great elements, but may be lacking in the fundamentals.
In the meantime, we spent 2 weekends in NJ, during which I went to a really cool Methodist church with Beth near her house. But that is not an option for regular attendance for me, since we now live pretty far apart.
I have also tried an evangelical Presbyterian church near my house on Christmas and was not impressed. I tried another nearby Methodist church, but they don't have anything for the kids to do during service and the whole thing felt a little awkward. Plus, Mackensie had a tremendous tantrum when we left (they leave stuffed animals in the pews for kids to play with during service, and of course, she wanted to bring it home), so I don't know if we can ever go back there. Finally, this past week, I tried the local Catholic church on my own. It was recommended by my aunt, whose niece and nephew on my uncle's side, attend. It was big and lovely -- I haven't seen so many people in church in a long time. It seems active and thriving, but with 2 drawbacks: 1)I'm not sure I want to return to Catholicism. I think I like the methodist interpretation of service and our relationship with God (direct rather than mediated through a priest), and I know that I don't like the Catholic church's refusal to let women have positions of power and absolute stance against homosexuality. That said, I know that the Catholic church has many great things to offer, and this church in particular seemed really cool. I could see raising the kids there and having them become active members of the congregation. However, drawback #2 was 2) no christian education on Sunday. Kids have to (gulp) sit through service with the exception of @ 20 minutes when the younger kids are pulled out for kids message. By the end of mass, it was quite loud with all of the stirrings and grumblings of the youth. If other people's kids can't make it through, I know mine can't. And to separate out education from the day of worship seems like an extra step that we might not be able to consistently make. But maybe the plusses outweigh the minuses.
Ultimately, this search has become much more than just picking a new congregation. It has become about reaffirming what I believe, and choosing how I want the kids to be raised spiritually. I love what the Chestnut Hill church stands for, but when I read that their website says that they don't take the Bible literally, I was taken aback. However, when I think about it, how literally do I take the Bible? I know that my faith is strong, and because of that, I minimize inconsistencies between what I believe and what the Bible says. And, as the minister pointed out to me this morning, the Bible itself has inconsistencies (she mentioned 2 creation stories, which I was not aware of, but I didn't ask). But I am still somehow afraid that I am taking the "easy way out" if I view the Bible as open to interpretations. At the same time, I know that there are things that I don't agree with (stance on homosexuality) or adhere to (women covering their heads in public), so to choose a church that takes it literally while still staying true to my beliefs is somewhat problematic.
Ironically, since I started writing this post (over a span of 2 days, it's not like the phone rang mid-post. That would have been cool, though...) the pastor from the chestnut hill church just called to discuss me becoming a member. I gave her my questions and objections, and she answered them pretty well. She did say that it is a Christian church and that "Jesus is our guy." She said that they believe the Bible is inspired by God, but that God is still revealing himself to us, and that we have to use the Bible as a guide with that revelation, not an absolute. She told me that the christian education does emphasize the bible, but that rather than covering many stories, they stay with the same story for 4 weeks and approach it from different learning methods. It all sounded good, but I am still not 100% sold. However, she invited me to continue the dialogue any time, and told me that the other pastor actually teaches seminary at a great school in NY, so I am thinking that I could also talk to him about how to read the Bible as a both a literal, an an interpretive, text.
I still don't know what to do. For me, faith has been a journey that has taken many paths. I have been strengthened in it by many different people, and I feel that everyplace I have stopped has been worthwhile. So I am not afraid to take a detour for myself. However, I know the way that I was raised in faith has been a cornerstone of my journey; something to compare everything else to. I want to make sure that I give Mac and Oli the same advantage of having a strong, solid, and secure idea of faith to serve as their cornerstone throughout their own journeys. Which path is next?
31 January 2012
24 January 2012
Getting My Groove Back
God is good, all of the time.
I believe this, and it is an outlook that helps me every day. Whenever I am feeling my lowest, something happens that lets me know that God is watching and is faithful. I just have to pay attention. And although the last year was challenging, I have seen this faithfulness more than ever. But that isn't to say it wasn't hard at times, or that I didn't feel lost along the way.
What I have realized over the last month or so (among many, many other things) is that I lost my groove in 2011. I remember the beginning of the year as being so happy and full of promise, and by the end of the year, I was just worn out. I don't think that there is any other way to say it. When I think about this time last year, I think about attending a conference and presenting a solo authored paper in Florida, training for upcoming races, and going to Las Vegas in March. For some reason, I have pinpointed that months time and that trip as the height of my happiness for the year. Probably b/c it was fun and carefree. I was doing well personally and professionally. And somewhere within a week of Las Vegas, I got preganant.
Once I got pregnant, my focus shifted and I didn't submit to my usual November conference b/c I was supposed to deliver in November. No big deal. I applied for and got the Summer Faculty Fellowship, which paid me to write a paper this summer. I was still happy personally and professionally. Although I knew we needed to budget better, we still seemed to be doing okay moneywise.
Enter May. I lost the baby. That was hard, and I don't think I, or my year, ever recovered. I got a rejection from a journal, struggled with my summer paper (about which the pressure was huge, b/c I was being paid just to write this paper), and found out we didn't really have any money. By August, my paper still wasn't done, our house was up for sale, and we were pretty much out of money.
By November, our house was sold, we had bought another, we were packing, I barely eeked out my summer paper, and things were busy and out of control. It hurt me to pack up the kids mid-year and pull them out of school.
By December, we were in our house, and I was trying to wrap up the semester and move in at the same time. I was also desperate to get a paper out to a journal for publication, since my acceptance rate in 2011 was less than stellar.
By Chistmas, I was tired.
By January, I realized that I didn't totally feel like myself. I wasn't depressed or unable to appreciate the joys of everyday life. Although I have outlined a pretty bleak year here, I wouldn't call it "bad." I ran my first half marathon, we sold our house right away in a bad market, and we took a great vacation to CA during which we missed a hurricane in NJ. Almost every day brought me joy in some way. But I felt like something was missing, and I wasn't quite on my game.
So I have made a conscious decision to refresh. And I have gotten a lot of help along the way. First, I have been able to take a few lessons from everything that happened, and the number one lesson is that:
1. Our family is great! And I mean our whole family. Our "nuclear unit:" me, Tim, Mac, and Oli, is wonderful. I love our kids, I love Tim, and I am confident that we can find happiness and comfort wherever we are. Our "extended family" is also beyond wonderful and generous: from monetary help, to emotional support, to places to live, to not judging, and to tasty and free dinners, our family has been there every step of the way. In their acts of kindness and generosity, I have seen time and time again the type of person that I want to be to others.
I have also, once again, recommitted to being more organized and work focused, and getting stuff done! To that end, I have recommitted to writing and work time, and am trying to be more organized about everything. Living closer to campus helps a lot. What also helps is a recent raise, and a "revise and resubmit," which is a conditional acceptance of a journal article. I am working to claim this year for success early on!
So God is good. Within days of my "lost my groove epiphany," I found the help I needed in blessings big and small. While I know that the work is my own to do, I know that I am never alone in doing it.
 |
| happiness in CA |
What I have realized over the last month or so (among many, many other things) is that I lost my groove in 2011. I remember the beginning of the year as being so happy and full of promise, and by the end of the year, I was just worn out. I don't think that there is any other way to say it. When I think about this time last year, I think about attending a conference and presenting a solo authored paper in Florida, training for upcoming races, and going to Las Vegas in March. For some reason, I have pinpointed that months time and that trip as the height of my happiness for the year. Probably b/c it was fun and carefree. I was doing well personally and professionally. And somewhere within a week of Las Vegas, I got preganant.
 |
| everyday, silly, happiness |
Enter May. I lost the baby. That was hard, and I don't think I, or my year, ever recovered. I got a rejection from a journal, struggled with my summer paper (about which the pressure was huge, b/c I was being paid just to write this paper), and found out we didn't really have any money. By August, my paper still wasn't done, our house was up for sale, and we were pretty much out of money.
 |
| sisterly happiness |
By November, our house was sold, we had bought another, we were packing, I barely eeked out my summer paper, and things were busy and out of control. It hurt me to pack up the kids mid-year and pull them out of school.
 |
| married happiness |
By December, we were in our house, and I was trying to wrap up the semester and move in at the same time. I was also desperate to get a paper out to a journal for publication, since my acceptance rate in 2011 was less than stellar.
By Chistmas, I was tired.
By January, I realized that I didn't totally feel like myself. I wasn't depressed or unable to appreciate the joys of everyday life. Although I have outlined a pretty bleak year here, I wouldn't call it "bad." I ran my first half marathon, we sold our house right away in a bad market, and we took a great vacation to CA during which we missed a hurricane in NJ. Almost every day brought me joy in some way. But I felt like something was missing, and I wasn't quite on my game.
So I have made a conscious decision to refresh. And I have gotten a lot of help along the way. First, I have been able to take a few lessons from everything that happened, and the number one lesson is that:
 |
| Pennsylvania happiness |
I have also, once again, recommitted to being more organized and work focused, and getting stuff done! To that end, I have recommitted to writing and work time, and am trying to be more organized about everything. Living closer to campus helps a lot. What also helps is a recent raise, and a "revise and resubmit," which is a conditional acceptance of a journal article. I am working to claim this year for success early on!
So God is good. Within days of my "lost my groove epiphany," I found the help I needed in blessings big and small. While I know that the work is my own to do, I know that I am never alone in doing it.
24 November 2011
Happy Thanksgiving!
Our day yesterday continued as well as it started.we made it into the museum, and a wheelchair and tickets were waiting for us. Oli did a great job wheeling and walking throughout the
Museum. We ran into his old PT, Ms. Ruth and her family. It was Ruth who got us into this tradition in the first place, so it was great to see her there. When we left, we were caught on the queue to see the balloons again. It was crowded, but cool to see all of the balloons ( including spidey) inflated now. We finished up with Starbucks and headed home.
Today I was up and met Beth and her friend Alena for a Turkey Trot in Princeton. Now I home watching the
parade with the kids. It is so cool to see the balloons from yesterday now in the parade.
I am thankful for our family traditions and the family that goes with them!
Museum. We ran into his old PT, Ms. Ruth and her family. It was Ruth who got us into this tradition in the first place, so it was great to see her there. When we left, we were caught on the queue to see the balloons again. It was crowded, but cool to see all of the balloons ( including spidey) inflated now. We finished up with Starbucks and headed home.
Today I was up and met Beth and her friend Alena for a Turkey Trot in Princeton. Now I home watching the
parade with the kids. It is so cool to see the balloons from yesterday now in the parade.
I am thankful for our family traditions and the family that goes with them!
23 November 2011
At the museum
We may have finally done it right! this is our third year coming into NYC to see the parade floats be inflated. The plan is always to get in, go to the American Museum of Natural History, and then hop outside to see the balloons. The first year, we missed the museum, looked for parking for an hour, then saw the floats. The next year, we took the train, struggled through the subways (we thought oli was big to carry then!), made it to the museum and then the floats. This year I called ahead of time and secured a wheelchair and tickets. We drove in, hit no traffic, parked in a garage (moderate
rip off) and saw the balloons half inflated. Viewing doesn't start until 3, but since the balloons are big and right out on the street, we could see them as we walked up.
Our day has sort of stalled, as we are now stopped for lunch at UNO. After this, we are back across the steer and into the museum. Here is what we have seen so far.
rip off) and saw the balloons half inflated. Viewing doesn't start until 3, but since the balloons are big and right out on the street, we could see them as we walked up.
Our day has sort of stalled, as we are now stopped for lunch at UNO. After this, we are back across the steer and into the museum. Here is what we have seen so far.
08 November 2011
Things I'll Miss
We are fortunate enough to be in the final stretch of moving. Everything is settled but our mortgage. That is a big hurdle, and we are holding our breath until that is through. But on the buyers end, everything seems settled, so ready or not, we are moving anywhere between 11/23 and 12/6.
We are really excited about the move, and luckily, so are the kids. But as I go through the days completing tasks and going places, I find myself wondering if this will be the last time I go there/do that. I know this is a normal part of moving, but it reminds me how bittersweet a move really is.
1. I will definitely miss easy access to my family. This goes without saying, and isn't one of the mini-epiphanies I am talking about. I've realized this all along. But on a "things I'll miss" list, this has to go on top. Dinner at mom's, runs with Beth, and being not too far grandma for a weekend visit, are all things that won't be as easy once we move. Also, when I get locked out at our new home, I will be completely screwed b/c there will be nobody to borrow keys from. Did I mention the babysitting?
2. My gym. It sounds dumb, especially coming from me, but I really like my gym. I like the classes, the feel, and the vibe. I went a lot over the summer, and kind of tapered off as I concentrated on running leading up to the half marathon. But lately (especially with the cold weather) I have been back to the gym, and I really enjoy it.
3. Our pediatrician. I am taking Mac and Oli for flu shots today and I realize this might be our last visit there. I went there when I was little. They have been so great with both kids, and especially helpful about fitting us in whenever we needed something. In Oli's baby days, when we didn't have any answers about his hydrocephalus, legs, or anything else, they were always kind and patient. And when Mac hid under the exam table, screaming, and had to be restrained by no less than me and 2 nurses to get a shot, they were so kind and patient. Service like that can't be replaced.
4. Our library. I looooove our library. I took Mac weekly when she was a baby. Both kids have spent lots of time there. Although we go less now that the kids are in school, all of the librarians know us, and I don't think that there is ever a time when at least one of us doesn't have something out on loan. It is a beautiful place with lots of choices, and we can borrow from any other library in Middlesex county. I haven't bought a book for myself in years because the selection is so good!
5. My Starbucks. Because working at home isn't always conducive to getting work done, I have a trio of Starbucks that I rotate among when I need to get out of the house to be productive. They are my happy places, and have seen me though coursework, dissertation, lesson plans, and other papers. Just as research shows that you can improve test performance by studying in the location that you will take the test, I think that I am productive in Starbucks where I have been productive in the past. Like my productivity is imprinted.
I'm sure that there is so much more that I will think of as I visit over the next few weeks. This isn't meant to be a downer, b/c a) I realize I'm fortunate to have had all of these places, and b) I do realize we are only moving an hour away, and that things aren't that different there. This is more of a fond remembrance, looking forward to the future. And I realize that no matter where we go, Tim, the kids, and I will make great memories and a great home. And no matter where we go, the love and support of our truly wonderful parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents will be with us.
We are really excited about the move, and luckily, so are the kids. But as I go through the days completing tasks and going places, I find myself wondering if this will be the last time I go there/do that. I know this is a normal part of moving, but it reminds me how bittersweet a move really is.
1. I will definitely miss easy access to my family. This goes without saying, and isn't one of the mini-epiphanies I am talking about. I've realized this all along. But on a "things I'll miss" list, this has to go on top. Dinner at mom's, runs with Beth, and being not too far grandma for a weekend visit, are all things that won't be as easy once we move. Also, when I get locked out at our new home, I will be completely screwed b/c there will be nobody to borrow keys from. Did I mention the babysitting?
2. My gym. It sounds dumb, especially coming from me, but I really like my gym. I like the classes, the feel, and the vibe. I went a lot over the summer, and kind of tapered off as I concentrated on running leading up to the half marathon. But lately (especially with the cold weather) I have been back to the gym, and I really enjoy it.
3. Our pediatrician. I am taking Mac and Oli for flu shots today and I realize this might be our last visit there. I went there when I was little. They have been so great with both kids, and especially helpful about fitting us in whenever we needed something. In Oli's baby days, when we didn't have any answers about his hydrocephalus, legs, or anything else, they were always kind and patient. And when Mac hid under the exam table, screaming, and had to be restrained by no less than me and 2 nurses to get a shot, they were so kind and patient. Service like that can't be replaced.
4. Our library. I looooove our library. I took Mac weekly when she was a baby. Both kids have spent lots of time there. Although we go less now that the kids are in school, all of the librarians know us, and I don't think that there is ever a time when at least one of us doesn't have something out on loan. It is a beautiful place with lots of choices, and we can borrow from any other library in Middlesex county. I haven't bought a book for myself in years because the selection is so good!
5. My Starbucks. Because working at home isn't always conducive to getting work done, I have a trio of Starbucks that I rotate among when I need to get out of the house to be productive. They are my happy places, and have seen me though coursework, dissertation, lesson plans, and other papers. Just as research shows that you can improve test performance by studying in the location that you will take the test, I think that I am productive in Starbucks where I have been productive in the past. Like my productivity is imprinted.
I'm sure that there is so much more that I will think of as I visit over the next few weeks. This isn't meant to be a downer, b/c a) I realize I'm fortunate to have had all of these places, and b) I do realize we are only moving an hour away, and that things aren't that different there. This is more of a fond remembrance, looking forward to the future. And I realize that no matter where we go, Tim, the kids, and I will make great memories and a great home. And no matter where we go, the love and support of our truly wonderful parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents will be with us.
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