New Chapters

This is me handling stress. Really, you wouldn't know from the picture that this was one of the most stressful dinners on record. Miles wouldn't calm down, which included throwing everything and screaming at the top of his lungs. Mac and Oli -- behaving marginally better than Miles. Tim and I squabbled over seating arrangements, and it turned out that I was (!) wrong. All of the drinks had rum and fruit juice -- too much sugar!! That was my surface stress. Everything else was simmering under the surface. What, you ask? See below.

While we are hitting the point in the summer where all of the days start to blend together, things are definitely staying fresh for us. We are in a time of change, and very soon, hope to be starting a new chapter.

The biggest transition is Tim opening a martial arts school. When he sold his school a few years ago, he thought about leaving martial arts altogether. However, after a few months away, and realizing he didn't have a ton of other options that he would both enjoy, and held the same potential for profit, he went back into martial arts. He worked for his friends for a year and a half, and it went well. But between a long commute and the fact that we had always owned his own business, he decided it was time to leave. We had scoped out possible locations around our house when he sold his school two years ago, and knew our choices were limited. And while a viable option presented itself pretty quickly, negotiations fell apart and we are back to square one. He is in talks now with another location, but it is expensive, which is scary. I believe in what he can do, but I worry about the months it will take to really get the business off the ground.

A lot of our other changes hinge on the school. For example, we are back into mega-budgeting mode. Or at least trying to get there. We are a one-income family now. We have savings, and start-up money for the school that we can use, but the goal is to live off of my income until things get going. Definitely doable, but definitely a challenge. We've already cut the obvious places (cheap phones, cable, etc.), but we've been indulging in a lot of extras lately (soccer jerseys, anyone?). I am making it a renewed challenge to eat healthy on a budget. And in what I'm taking as a good sign, this cookbook came across my Facebook feed. I think we spend @ $180/week when all is said and done. My goal for this month is $140. Not extreme, but $40/week can really add up. Bye bye green smoothie powder!

Babysitting? Schedules? Can't really make them until we know what is going on with the karate school. If we don't figure it out soon, we could lose our babysitter, which would be a disaster. But one thing I know, regardless of schedules, is that I am getting to at least a 35 hour work-week of smart work (i.e. no Facebook or blogs until tasks are finished). Period. I am going to be working like its, well, my job. This is my last year before my tenure review, and things are kicking into high gear. I am close to the point of no return with publications -- in another two or three months, anything I submit likely won't be published in time for consideration, given the time it takes for the editorial process. Previously a quip, "publish or perish" is now my mantra.

Cathing. Oli now gets catheterized every three hours. Or an approximation of that. We have to get more regular, and get him more involved, so that he can start to do it himself. He seems in no rush, and does not seem to anticipate the day that he won't want me to do it. However, we can't leave him anywhere (playdate or babysitter) for more than three hours, and this is only going to get harder once Tim and I are both working.

I guess a lot of what we need comes down to structure. Structure is hard in the summer, especially since Tim and I are basically on opposite clocks. I'm wavering between absolutely overwhelmed and up for the challenge. So maybe what I need, then, is just to relax, be smart but not crazy, and take things as they come.

Nah.

It is the beginning of a new month, and we just got back from an amazing vacation, so the time is ripe for change. And there is pumpkin ale at Whole Foods, so that means the bittersweet routine of fall is just around the corner. Maybe a little of each (routine + beer) is just what I need.

Painful Conversations

I'm listening to Tim talk to Oli in the other room, answering Oli's questions about 1) whether his friend Ian will still like him even though he wears diapers, 2) why he was born this way, and 3) why he wasn't born a cat or a dog (Yes, the questions run the gamut). It is breaking my heart, and we are getting more of these questions than ever. We've started catheterizing him, in the hopes that he can get out of diapers. Although I question doing it, b/c it isn't medically necessary, it is clearly very important to him to be out of diapers.

Oli is such a sweet boy, so patient in his questions, and as of yet, not angry. I fear that someday he will be, and I won't know how to handle it. We got the name of a therapist, who I have put off calling, but think I will do it now.

I want to give him all of the resources he needs to be happy and successful, but sometimes it is overwhelming, for both me and him. So far, we have operated under the philosophy of getting him what he needs, but without making spina bifida the driving force behind everything he does. So, he is not in 5 different therapies, which could be helpful to him, but in focusing more on family outings and family time, we hope he leads a more "normal" life. Now that he is getting older, and his peers are doing so much that he can't do, this philosophy might have to be tweaked. It his hard to find "typical" sports and activities that he can be part of, but there aren't a lot of choices for kids with disabilities in the local vicinity. We are lucky to live near Philly, which has the potential to offer more, but with two other kids and two full time jobs between us, Tim and I can't take advantage of all of these opportunities. And cathing, though a wonderful way to get him out of diapers, keeps us bound to him every 2-3 hours, which means we can't really be mobile for much more than that in each outing.

At the end of the day, I want him to be active and engaged. I need to figure out the best possible way to do that and keep 1) my sanity 2) his sanity 3) Mackensie and Miles satisfied. I am a big believer in less is more (activities, stuff, etc.), but I don't want to fall into the trap of too little too late.

Food Snob

In my effort to be healthy, I've cut down and cut out a lot of stuff. I try really hard not to have added sugar, too much dairy, or just about any bread. I use honey, if anything to sweeten. We use cocunut milk instead of regular milk. I make meat roll-ups or salads instead of using bread or wraps. For the most part, Tim does the same. I definitely feel healthy, and I think* I'm not as bloated as I used to be.

However...

In thinking about our budget, I realized that a lot of the cheaper meals that I can make rely on types of bread. Spaghetti came to mind. Turkey sandwiches for lunch. Pancakes. Or tacos without meat.

So...

I'm thinking I might have to suck it up and eat it up. PB&J once in a while won't kill me. Beans and quinoa alone are good in a taco -- skip the meat. Eat pancakes when I make them for the kids, rather than making eggs for myself. Keep to the greens and healthier stuff, but don't make a special trip when I run out, and don't make two meals for one meal time. Eat one pot, eat in bulk, and like it.

I read an article a couple of years ago that talked about how only richer nations, America specifically, are concerned about diet drinks, diet foods, and calorie counting. Because in a lot of other areas, people need all of the calories they can get. And when I start to go overboard, and spend overboard, I feel truly convicted by that thought.

Let me say that as far as I know, I don't have any dairy, gluten, or other food issues. I've made my food choices totally based on health and/or calorie preference. That is what makes me a food snob in my mind. If you have food issues, then it makes 100% total sense to cut out food groups and make substitutions to any extent necessary.

Even though I doubt I'll be having a big pasta dinner anytime soon, I am going to work on loosening up. I want to find the balance between budget and health. I think it is a fine line between eating as healthily as possible (primarily whole foods) and being stringent to the point of being wasteful (throwing out a bun that came with a hotdog). 

Besides, until beer and ice cream can be considered "whole foods," I'm a lost cause anyway.


*This may totally be mind over matter.

Where We Hit and Where We Miss

Lately, it seems like the cost of everything is out of control. We try to live on a pretty tight budget. For a while, we did the Dave Ramsey envelope system. But we aren't so great about taking the time to get the cash at the beginning of each month, so we debit for a while, and then the amounts get all messed up. For the last few months, we haven't even gotten the cash at all. And it shows. Little purchases here and there that really add up. I have a hard time putting a cash amount on certain things, thinking "It couldn't really cost that much!" and then underestimating; and Tim has a hard time finding the value in some things, and then doesn't budget for that category even though we need to.So while we still give every dollar a home when we get paid, the dollars have been moving without our tacit permission.

With us going down to one income for a month or two (or three, or more. It really depends on how quickly the karate school takes off), I've been stewing the cost of living over in my head. There are some places where we still really hit it in terms of saving, and there are other places that are flat out misses.

I'll start with the good:

1. Nails: Anyone who knows me knows I love my nails. Long and acrylic. These Jersey nails really miss their  pizzaz. And it is finally in style to have long, fake nails (I get that is subjective, but it is more common than usual. Thanks Rihanna!) But it is really hard to justify adding that to the budget. @ $20 bi-weekly adds up to $520 a year. Actually, that doesn't sound that bad. But I know that money could be better spend somewhere else (again, subjective, but I guess Tim knows that money could be better spent somewhere else :)

2. Hair: I color my hair at home, which has so far worked out pretty well. I did fine it sort of silly to pay $60 or more to have someone help me find the perfect shade of brown. ummm...and especially since my increasing grays have me coloring more often than in the past, it is a budgetary item I again can't justify. But...I tried something different last time, sort of a purplish brown, and while it came out well, I can tell I didn't apply the color evenly. And my hair is kind of dry. So I'm wondering if maybe the extra money is worth it...

3. Hobbies: We are pretty good at not spending money on extras. We did have the kids in swim, but they revolted and refused to go. So after a few months of holding onto our Y membership, which I use occasionally, we decided to drop it. At the discounted Y rate, we were paying $70 a month, and that can definitely go somewhere else (nails?!). I will miss it, especially in the winter when I can't run, but  maybe we will get a used treadmill.

4. Used Stuff: We buy a lot of it. And we price compare online and then usually order cheap stuff online. It works a lot better than I thought it could.

5. House Stuff: I haven't bought holiday themed place mats in years. We could actually use new pillows (this I"m getting. Soon. It's just an example). We take care of big stuff like the shed (okay, our home owner's insurance made us do that), but for the little stuff we try to get by on what we have.

6. Saving: We manage to save every month, and also put money toward Tim's retirement (mine is automatic).

I'm sure there is other stuff Tim has given up, but I don't realize it. We do talk about almost every purchase, so we have to agree on it before we buy it. Luckily, we agree on most of it. But I do miss my own credit card, where I could have a target splurge or, well, get my nails done...

Groceries: Groceries go in the middle, b/c despite my best efforts, I feel like we overspend. I think we spend $160-$180 a month on just groceries. We don't have a stocked pantry -- I pretty much buy what we need and then we eat it. We rarely have a lot left over on foodshopping day (which makes us eat out, so maybe I should buy more groceries). I do buy organic dairy and I try to buy quality meat and fish. The vegetarian in me still skeeves at factory sourced meat). And fruit. Probably this isn't that unreasonable, but I can't believe how much we spend for one week. And we usually eat out 1-2 times a week. Or more lately.

The Ugly:

Eating Out: Bad Chewnings! Actually, not horrible, but we have gotten lax. I can't say no. I actually did last night, but only b/c we've spend so much lately. But I love me some food, and going out gives us so much more variety than eating home.

Supplements: We bought the new P90x3 workout series, and with it, we bought recovery shake, a pre-work out supplement, and then there is something else that Tim takes. And I have bought a supergreen powder for morning smoothies (which I did price compare and got the cheapest that had good reviews.) All of this is probably unnecessary. But soo good!

Buying Stuff: We all "needed" some new clothes for the summer, and once the floodgates opened, we really got stuff. Again, not horrible. All on sale. But possibly more than we needed. For example, Tim and I both got some new workout gear the other day. We didin't spend a ton, but arguably, we could have done without. And we each got a new pair of crossfit sneakers for P90X (again, off of ebay, and i think mine might be used, but still...) And one of us has gotten into the habit of buying online comics and video game skins. Not saying who, but...

I'm sure there is more, since things have been feeling kind of "loose" lately. But I know we have to reign it in soon. One thing that will save us a lot is that we won't have a babysitter from the middle of June through the end of August. Our babysitter is money very well spent, but she is going away for the summer. However, Tim is taking off the month of July to prep for the school, and will then be building out the school in August, so he will have the extra time to watch the kids.

I know we actually have everything we need. It is just a matter of not wanting anymore. That is sooo much harder than it sounds, and I underestimate it every time. But it's been almost a year since I had my nails wrapped, and before that, I had gone a year, too. So if I can do that, I think we can do anything.

Where We're At

Sometimes, I'm not really sure.

But a brief overview of our recent achievements and trials:

Broad Street Run

I'll pick back up where I left off. I made it!! 10 miles in what was almost a personal record: 1:30:19. I ran a 5k a few weeks before with a sub-9 minute mile, which was AWESOME, but, I thought I was going to die. Could never have sustained that pace for an entire 10 miles. So, it was actually a good lesson to learn before Broad St. I didn't start to get tired until half way though mile 7. And the best part? Thanks to some very generous donations and a connected super-Uncle, I was able to raise $1800 for Fred's Footsteps.

I'm still in training for the Odyssey Half Marathon in June. I'm hoping for a running buddy but might be doing it alone. I'm still nervous, but running Broad St. boosted my confidence a lot. My interest in running had waned, and I was much more into our new P90X3 (it's always something with me and Tim), but I'm back on the run again!

my post-race treat

Oli

While there is plenty of other stuff going on, Oli has had the lion's share of my time and attention lately. Although we are always conscious of the spina bifida, we can go for a good stretch of time without it becoming acute. However, we've recently hit a series of events that remind me just how much he has to deal with.  

He has certainly experienced an increased awareness that he is "different,"especially with Miles walking now. He seems a bit sadder lately, a bit moodier. He can still be uplifted by super hero anything, but he isn't always himself. In some ways, he is regressing. Maybe becoming a bit less focused, acting and talking more like a "baby." I had his IEP meeting last week, and his teachers (main and support) said that while he is on par academically (YAY! HUGE!), he is not proactive or engaged enough. On the plus side, they said he is capable of more, on the negative side, he isn't trying.  I know what they are saying. Sometimes, he just doesn't want to do anything, and other times, he seems to forget what I've said. For example, all day on a Saturday, I can talk about going to meet daddy out after work, but then when we get in the car, he asks where we are going. He doesn't seem to track everything that is going on. I'm not sure if he isn't engaged b/c he isn't tracking, or he isn't tracking b/c he isn't engaged. We have a clinic appointment on Wednesday, and we are going to look into getting him registered for a neuropsych evaluation that will give us more insight into his memory and focus issues.

He has also been out of braces for months, shortly after we went rogue and stopped serial casting him. It hadn't been working, and he was missing a day of school a week. Plus, it was really hard to coordinate with our work schedules. We are going to address this in clinic, too. I brought it up via email, and our clinic coordinator said to think about our/Oli's long term mobility goals. As much as I hate to say it, I think the wheelchair is it. The HKFOs he has to wear just to use his walker are so heavy that he wouldn't be able to lift his body weight onto furniture or in the car. And I can't lift him anymore even without the braces, so I can't imagine how we could go back to them (even if they fit). He flies around in the wheelchair, and I think it gives him more autonomy, so it seems to be the way to go. But at this point, he can't even wear shoes. We'll see what Wednesday brings.

Finally, my poor guy had a horrible reaction to disposable training pants this week. He has all but outgrown size 6 diapers, so I went out and bought him disposable training pants. Within hours, he was broken out from thighs to neck. He is doing better, but I'm afraid to try anything new. Add this to the list for Wednesday.

either he is hiding from it all, or he is just a straight up goofball

Mac

Growing up so quickly. Don't even... 


Miles

Really couldn't be cuter...my happy little snausage



Tim

Looking to open up a martial arts school in the neighborhood, but sort of getting the run around on the location he wants. We looked for possible alternates today -- we'll see what happens. Hopefully, it will all work out. It would be so nice to have him closer to home, as well as home more often. We'll keep praying...

Overall

Happy, tired, and crazed. Looking forward to the summer. Can't wait to see what happens next!