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| 2001 -- after 4 months of dating |
Two weeks ago, Tim and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. According to ask.com, "Tin is the traditional material for the 10th wedding anniversary
and the 10 year wedding anniversary is called tin because is a symbol of
how a successful marriage needs to be flexible and durable plus bending
it without getting broken." Although it is somewhat poorly written, I can agree with the sentiment. I think that Tim and I have had a great 10 years, and part of that is because we are both flexible, don't like conflict, and are willing to compromise. However, I know that we have also both changed and grown to be more flexible, more accommodating, and more willing to see each other's side in everything. Also, his side has often become my side, and vice versa, as we have really adopted a team mentality to get through life and parenting.
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| 2001 -- Boston -- our first trip together |
In 10 years of marriage (plus two more together), we have done a lot and gone through a lot. I often think back to our first days together and remember them as so much fun. We went out all of the time, whether it was to dinner, out with friends, or on trips. We saw Broadway shows, went to Boston and DC, Florida, and Las Vegas. I was in graduate school, and we even worked together for a while as helped out at the karate school. We had our house on New Street and had great parties.
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| 2002 in Las Vegas -- Newly Engaged! |
We were also pretty independent. Tim had his hobbies (paintball) and I had mine (talking to Beth). We were a couple, but I wouldn't say we were a team. Enter Mackensie. I think I was ready for kids before Tim was, and adjusting to having a new member of the family who didn't drink beer or want to go to the movies at the drop of a hat was a bit difficult. But we changed, grew, and adapted our priorities, and evolved into a family. It was inevitable -- after all, who can who can say no to Mac?
Enter Oliver. I had definitely pushed to have Mac, and I was also the one who really wanted a second as soon as possible. Tim (wisely) made us wait a while, and then we had trouble getting pregnant with Oli. I would say that getting Oli's diagnosis at 20 weeks is when we really started to gel as a team. There were a lot of decisions to be made and emotions to sort through. Tim was an amazing support, and what could have been a very hard time was a wonderful time where we grew and learned and came closer as a family. I think we learned that we could really count on each other for anything, and again, we had to adapt priorities and draw tighter as a couple while at the same time expanding as a family. In my mind, it is kind of marks a new era in our family.
Over the next few years, we juggled schedules while I got my degree, dealt with the sinking economy and its effect on Tim's business (and subsequently our finances), dealt with Tim's mom's diagnosis of cancer, suffered miscarriage and loss, and ultimately had to sell our house and Tim's business and move to PA. We are so fortunate in that each of these things helped us to grow closer together instead of farther apart.
I would say that we turned another corner in our relationship and family when we had to move and sell the business. We really got on the same page as a couple in terms of finances. I like to think that money is not a big deal - happiness is. And that is true. But coming together in terms of finances brought us together as a team -- both symbolically and practically we were uniting to take care of our family in a way we hadn't done before. While budgeting isn't easy, and leads to its own share of conflict, we now make all decisions for the family as a couple.
Enter Miles. A completely unexpected and welcome surprise. A perfect addition to the newest phase of our lives. Possibly because there is strength in numbers, or the more the merrier, Miles has helped us to grow yet again. Also, our growing faith in God and Jesus as a family has finally put us on the same page in terms of a lot of beliefs and values, which has helped tremendously in terms of working together to prioritize, parent, and relate to each other.
While we have had plenty of life events that stand out as trials that helped us
to grow and evolve, I would say that our relationship is glued together
by the little day to day events that keep us having fun and connecting:
our tradition of going to Ocean City every year, working out together,
taking Mac to dance and going to the Freehold mall, day trips to the
shore, stealing time alone while the kids are at school, getting ice
cream, movie night, and making little things a big treat.
This post feels like one big jinx. I'm not saying that we don't have conflict, and sometimes when we disagree, I get a glimpse of how easy it could be to let go, give up, and/or shut down and drift apart. If one of us doesn't make the effort to reach out, it is easy to harbor anger and withdraw. It is also easy to take each other for granted. I hope and pray that none of that ever happens. I always thought that being a parent was the ultimate relationship and priority, but I realize now how important the marriage relationship is. I am blessed to be Tim's wife, and there is nobody, or nowhere, I would rather be.
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| Our most recent portrait |
