Focus on Miles

This guy gets a lot of attention. He is the baby of the family, and he wears it well. But recently I realized that while he gets a lot of attention, much of what we do isn't for him. Rather, he is along for the ride. I think that is classic third (or second or fourth) child syndrome -- living in the car on the way to activities for the older kids. And because he is so little, I fell into the trap of thinking that it wasn't that big of a deal and that there wasn't much for him to do, anyway.

But lately, I've been trying to do more just for him. It started when I realized he was behind with speech. We joined a music class, and he seemed to like it while it lasted.  But what he really loves is playing with other kids. Like, cries when we drive past church instead of turning in b/c he loves  playing with the other kids there so much. Luckily, we have been able to have playdates with his cousin Harry, and he has really flourished. He is talking more, and sort of learning to share. Seeing him light up when he sees Harry is the sweetest thing. We have also had a few playdates with church friends, which has been great.

One of the biggies was the playground. Because of mine and Tim's work schedules, I am often home alone with the kids. So either everyone goes to the playground, or nobody does. So nobody does. But lately, I've been finding pockets of time, when the kids are at taekwondo or basketball, when he can play. Seeing how much he loves it makes me feel guilty that I haven't taken him more.

This bub is the most amazing little guy. I love him so much! With the needs and demands of the older two, it is so easy to assume that he is fine with tagging along. While his *adventurous spirit* guarantees he won't [can't] be ignored, I want to make sure that we continue to create opportunities just for him.

 

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#makingwinternotsuck

It's all about the attitude, right?

I'm trying. I really am. But I hate the winter. And the snow that is expected over the next 48 hours is a perfect example of why.

(image from David Curren FB feed)

Every time it ices/gets windy/snows heavily, we lose power. The first time, Miles ended up in the hospital because his temperature dropped too low. The next time, we ended up with the norovirus (although that was only 50% bad, b/c we also had fun times staying with Beth, who graciously hosted us while we were without power). So my apprehension is high, as I anticipate losing power for a couple of days. I'm trying to soak up the last few hours of power  by procrastinating on the Internet getting work done.

That said, I have been doing better than usual in not getting into a winter funk. Making sure that I have hat/gloves/scarves before I leave the house has helped a lot. Homemade lattes in the afternoon have also been a bonus. Not having to check the weather in West Chester to see if Tim will have to go to work even if it is storming here has been huge. To that end, having Tim home for more movie days and nights, and topping them off with a beer, has been a nice change. We have been introducing the kids to classics, like Back to the Future. Also, the fact that it is already light after 5 o'clock has probably helped most of all.

But truly, this snow is going to test my resolve. Two things that will help: 1) Tim doesn't have to go to work if he can't/doesn't want to. 2) If we lose power, there is a good chance the karate school will have power since it is in a strip mall. At least we have a secondary place to hang out, as long as we can get there.

Meanwhile, the kids are embracing the snow. Oli was DEVASTATED when he woke up to see that there was school today. I should have taken a picture, but it would have been cruel.

Here's hoping it doesn't suck!

Happy New Year

A photo posted by JULIA RYAN (@juliaryancreates) on Dec 12, 2014 at 3:42pm PST

I'm not usually one for New Year resolutions, however, this quote spoke to me and got me really motivated to face this new year with optimism, hope, and determination. Often, I find myself getting caught up in, and brought down by, little fails. I didn't get as much done as I thought I should -- fail! I forgot something at the foodstore -- fail! I lost my temper -- fail! And while, yes, many little fails over time can add up to big fails (i.e. I never get as much work done as I should), I am really going to try to remember that every day is a new one, and that I have a chance to move forward and make things right every.single.day. And if I can do some semblance of that, over the next 12 months, 365 (okay, 360 -- I'm already getting a late start) days,  it will be okay.

I know, I know, check with me in February.

As the sweet spot ends, and the kids go back to school today, I'd also like to take the time to look back and share some of the great times that marked the last few weeks of 2014.

The Good and The Bad

It has been a rough few months.

Tim's mom died about three months ago. Although she had been ill and getting worse, it was still completely unexpected. In addition to the complete sadness that the loss of such a wonderful person brings, it has also unearthed a lot of family issues that had been bubbling under the surface. I always realized how much work she was doing, both day to day as well as keeping the family knit together.  But now that she is gone, taking care of Tim's dad has become everyone's responsibility. I can't help but feel that if we are taking care him once a week, we should have been doing the same for her. Although, I know they made it somewhat difficult for us to step in, as they had their routines, habits, and privacy issues. But at the same time, I think Nancy would have benefitted.

So, we're all a little sadder, a little tenser, and a little more stretched thin. Although we are happy, I would say joy is a little harder to find.

We are in a season of thanksgiving and joy, and I want to soak it up. I can honestly say that I am grateful and happy every day. But not carefree, not unbridled, not even enthusiastic. I try to remember to give my burdens to the Lord, but then I keep welcoming them back.

We will get there. Nancy would want it that way.

Shifting the Way I Think

It is no secret that I struggle with the "work/life balance" I'm always looking for extra time, worrying about family when I'm at work, and worrying about work when I'm with family. I have a hard time fully committing to what I'm doing, b/c I'm always worrying about what I'm not getting done.

I've lamented the fact that I didn't get enough done leading up to this point, and that is why I am struggling to get tenure. Which I'm not even sure I am. I might be fine. But I know I could have done better leading up to now. But lately I've realized:

I've been doing what I had to do. I've been living.

Yes, it's been a harried type of living, but that's life. A lot of academics wait to have kids until (at least) after they graduate, and even more until most of their tenure pubs are out or they've gotten tenure. But I decided I'd rather have kids. And I did.

Child care when we lost Tim's mom as full time help. Tim in the morning and me from three until beditme. Productive? No. But necessary. And of course, with our awesome family, I got a lot of help.

A second job when we needed extra income. Sometimes I look back and I wonder what I was thinking. That was a lot of time each week I could have been writing.

But

We needed it. And it was a lot of extra time with my mom. It was a lot of fun. And it was part of what our family needed to to at that time.

Training for multiple races when I could use those long run mornings to fit extra work in. Duh. But, I love running, and now I can say I've run 2 half marathons and the Broad Street Run. And I will do it again.

Working out when I could be working? Same as above.

So whether I get tenure or not next year*, I can happily say that I didn't put my life on hold while I was working toward it. Have I made people's lives miserable in the process? Probably a little. Have I stayed up nights worrying? Yes.  But I haven't missed out. At least not on that much.

And so next time I'm up late worrying, I'm going to remember that it is all part of life. I love my job, I feel like I'm supposed to be there, But if I have to find a new one, that might be okay, too.

I realized that this post alternately makes me sound like a self-satisfied do-it-all, a horribly disorganized procrastinator, or a delusional pre-emptive rationalizer in  case I don't get tenure. I hope I'm none of the above, but maybe I'm all three. My only point is that I am going to step back and try to measure my accomplishments by more than whether or not I get tenure/succeed in the workplace/etc. And in doing so, embrace a fuller definition of success and living.

* Bold statement, I know. Check in with me if I don't get tenure next year, and remind me about these grand thoughts.

Edited to add: I wrote this a few days ago and didn't post because I wanted to add a picture. In the meantime, I looked up a colleague who graduated after I did and saw that she already has two publications this year. TWO! And three for last year?! I'm hanging on hoping one of my revise and resubmits will come out. A true test of my new perspective.

Prayed a bit, got my priorities in check, and I'm better now. Only thinking about it once every two minutes, which is  big break from the once a minute I was thinking about it before.

A total work in progress.