Where Does the Time Go?

October 2013

May 2007

In advance of her ninth birthday, I will ask, Where does the time go?

It is a trite question, and actually easy to answer. The time has morphed together into 3,279 days of diapers, toys, playing, crying, laughing, yelling, reading, coloring, writing, running, learning, loving and growing. Although time has gone by quickly, I can remember so many of the days clearly, and for that I am grateful.

But when I look at pictures like this back to back, it is hard to believe that they are the same person. That my funny, opinionated, smart, outspoken Mac was ever a baby. OR that this little toddler turned into my Mac (although, to be fair, a few pictures later in this photo album there is a picture of baby Mac having a tantrum, with a look on her face that  I recognize even today). Someday, I will be comparing a picture of teen Mackensie to this picture of 8 year old Mackensie, and wondering how we got there.

And I will know, I will remember the days, but it will still be hard to believe.

A picture really is worth a thousand words, or, a couple thousand days.

The Coffee is Good, The House is Quiet

Just taking a few minutes before what I know is going to be a hectic day begins. The kids and I have been battling a bug since last Friday. Poor Mac got it the worst. This is what she looked like at the height of it


Thank God, I never got the "throw up" part, so I was able to take care of everyone. Each kid went through it, but Miles and Oli recovered pretty quickly. Tim had to work through most of it, which was maybe a good thing. I was hoping he would be spared.

Fast forward to last night.

He slept downstairs because his stomach felt funny. I will admit, I thought he was being dramatic. Tim gets "sick" very easily. But when I woke up at 5:30 this morning (it's hard to sleep without your other by your side) and came downstairs, he looked remarkably like Mackensie in the picture above. I considered taking a photo, but decided against it.

I couldn't fall back to sleep with worry over what the day would bring. So I decided to get up and get started. I made some coffee, checked into the online Bible study I've been doing (it is ANCHORED on Facebook and being run by one of the bloggers I read), and decided to start the day early. Of course, I am procrastinating now, but I couldn't help it...

The coffee is good and the house is quiet...

For the next hour I should be able to hear myself think.

After that, all bets are off.

Revisiting the Balance

So I've whined written a lot about work/life balance. I still don't have it covered, but for once, I feel it is getting better. What's the secret? Prayer, acceptance, and an afternoon dark roast from Starbucks.

Often, in the same day, I will think "I really love my job" and "I wish I didn't have to work outside the home." There would be something so satisfying about being able to focus the bulk of my time and attention on maintaining a clean and orderly house, really being able to focus more on the kids, and creating a good environment for me and Tim. It's not to say that I don't do all that, but I know where I fall short. I can't plan ahead, I don't anticipate, and the details get lost. I'm in perpetual survival mode. For example, I have all sorts of thoughts swirling in my head about cute valentines day crafts and ways to make the kids and Tim feel special on V-day. Hanging paper projects? Special V-day breakfast? Cards? Decorations? And don't forget about school! The kids need Valentines for friends, party goodies, and I often see them come home with little goody bags put together by other parents. And when I see those, I think "Who has time for that?" And there is a little scorn in my tone. But really, it's a bit of jealousy, too. And I know when the day comes, I will have hopefully have cobbled together a small basket of goodies for each kid, and maybe a card for Tim. It will be fine, but how nice to be able to do more, something that the kids remember and think "I'm so glad my mom did that." Or something that makes Tim think "My wife really loves me. She treats me so well."

Two things: 1. I realize Valentines day isn't that big a deal. It is a fun mini-holiday, and nothing more. But it is just an example of one of the times that I want to put planning and forethought into something, and it just doesn't get done. 2. I realize that the time spent with the kids and Tim is the way to show them that I love them. And luckily, I think I have that important part down. But it is more the little details that get lost in the shuffle, and I want to find a way to capture them. That is when I wish my focus was only on God, family, and building a better world through the details.

But--

I also love my job. There are days when I am writing or lesson planning (instead of procrastinating, like I'm doing now) where I sit back and consciously think "I love this." There are days when I don't, but I think that's normal. I wish that I could devote more time to it. I think I could be better at it. I want to be great at it. I try to find bits of time, after the kids are in bed, to devote to it. I've found that an afternoon dark roast is critical to achieving this nighttime burst of productivity. And even when I don't get everything done, when I look back at my week, I find more often than not that I'm hitting the big things now. Here, too, I would love to be able to pay more attention to the details. Read new articles as they come out, really explore in research rather than patch stuff together just to get it done.

I still strive to be better at both parts of my life, but I am currently in a place where I can happily accept where I am in each. I think a lot of this has come through prayer. Praying to God that I am focusing my attention in the right place. Asking Him to tell me if I should be pursuing more time home with the kids, or if teaching and writing really is where he wants me. And He has opened up new doors of opportunity at work that make me feel like I am in the right place right now, and that is comforting. So I will keep balancing until He tells me otherwise. Giving my best to both areas.

Will I be stressed?

Of course. It's hard wired into me. But for the most part, it is different now.

Will I be over-caffeinated?

Yes, probably.


It's a really good thing that I love coffee :)

This Guy

What can I say about this guy? He is amazing, energetic, adorable, opinionated, hungry, demanding, and basically a fireball. He makes Mackensie look tame, almost meek. This guy knows what he wants, when he wants it, and how. And he isn't afraid to let everyone know.

Playing with the big kids

When he was a newborn, Miles was so laid back. Everyone commented on what an easy baby he was, and I agreed. Other than a phase of crying between 5 and 7 p.m. for a couple of months, he was easy. Good eater, good sleeper, cutest smiles; basically a rockstar.

Then he turned one.

But I want it my way!

All of a sudden -- not so easy going. Although he was late to the solid foods game, once he developed a taste for them, there was no going back. He now screams like (I can only imagine) a pterodactyl if food isn't delivered in a timely manner. If he has eaten his fill for breakfast, and then I take out more food to make the big kids' lunches, he immediately screams for more. I now have to remove him from the kitchen when I feel he has eaten enough, otherwise he will continue to cry (scream) for more.




Did I mention he's mobile?

Oh, yeah. Not quite walking yet, but into everything. And when I say everything, that includes the toilet bowl. We have baby gates set up at the steps (which he managed to squeeze underneath and climb the stairs once) and blocking off the dining room/playroom area, but he knows how to circle the living room and kitchen. And quite unfortunately, the door to the spare room doesn't latch, so he is always in there trying to topple the dvd rack.

No, I'm not kidding.

I don't remember Mac or Oli being like this, although Oli wasn't really mobile. But we never had to baby proof with them. We have had to baby proof every inch of our house with this one, even the oven broiler. We have found remote controls, toys, and even him sitting in it.

Fewer and farther between, but even sweeter

Although he can hardly be contained, there are times when he is so tired out that he will still deign to sit on my lap and snuggle. Even though those times often come after he is supposed to be in bed (did I mention he won't go to sleep anymore?), and I am supposed to be working, I can't resist a good snuggle. There is nothing sweeter in the whole world.

And he still has the best smile. And a rockstar personality. And he is developing an inquisitive nature. I think this one is going to be smart, outgoing, and a LOT of trouble.

But no matter what, he will always be my love.

Best Smiler

 

 

 

 

 

The Tail End

I've heard people say that they don't like this "awkward" week between Christmas and the New Year. They are ready to welcome the New Year and let go of the old one. I'm in no rush. Maybe it is  because I don't really make resolutions or set goals for the New Year (It's not that I don't think I need improvement, but I tend to set new goals or make changes as I feel I need them) It could also be that Tim, the kids, and I all have this week off, which gives us a sweet spot of family time. We are a little looser with the budget, going on more outings, having more meals, and enjoying a few extra lattes :) 

For example, this year we:

Visited with Tim's parents and uncle on Thursday. Because of his mom's health, we didn't travel up on Christmas, but rather went the Sunday before. We didn't want to put the pressure of a meal on her on Christmas, and also, didn't want to take the kids up there and then have her not feel well. We were afraid it would ruin her Christmas. But without the pressure of the holiday, she felt well enough to drive down on Thursday and we had a nice visit. Including pizza.

Had a BIG SLEEPOVER on Friday. Mac has been bee-eee-ggg--ing for a sleepover with her friend Zoe for about a year now. We decided that the time had finally come. So, with some trepidation, we had Zoe over and let the kids make a fort in the playroom. Even though I thought that having all the windows and letting the sun in would wake them at the crack of dawn, they slept until 8:30! No fighting! All fun! Mac was so happy, and it translated into a really helpful attitude for the rest of Saturday. Also on Friday, we went shopping and spent some Christmas gift money. Hello ULTA :)

Saturday was our biggest and best outing. We went to Hershey Park for Christmas in Hershey. Luckily, it was a 50 degree day, so the weather was chilly, but not cold.  The kids got to go on a few rides, and then we visited chocolate world. The park was decorated in tons of lights, and it felt very cozy and special. We will definitely do this again next year!

 

Sunday was church, food shopping and lunch at Wegman's, and then dinner with friends at Campbell's Place in Chestnut Hill. We have stopped going there in favor of Iron Hill Brewery, but now that we have been reminded how good it is, I think we will return soon. Their veggie burger is so good that I return to my vegetarian ways. And their beer is delicious, too :)

Monday -- Christmas with family! My dad, pat, Beth, Mike, and Harry came down and we celebrated Christmas. It was fun to host, and great to see everyone! Plus, I got the blender I have been dyy-ing for ever since my old blender died in October (which resulted in me eating bits of plastic and thinking they were hard parts of pumpkin in my pumpkin puree). Homemade soup, hummus and smoothees, here we come!

In between activities, I have been working, Oli has been playing video games nonstop, and we have been having a season 7 Psych-a-thon. 

I am starting to feel a little burnt out, but I am also not ready to have everything go back to normal yet. The kids go back to school Thursday, and I'm sure that we will take down the decoration this weekend. But until then, I'm going to enjoy stretching out the holidays just a little bit longer.